One of the biggest mistakes that women can make to drain the romance, desire, and fun out of their relationship is to mother their man and treat him like a child. It is the fundamental reason that men end up resenting and eventually rebelling against women, and a sure fire way to deaden a happy love life.
As women, we are programmed to nurture and feel responsible for the care and needs of others.
It’s somewhat in our DNA to takeover when things fall apart or to anticipate a problem and try to prevent what looks like a “hazard to our harmony”. The dilemma is that the more you treat your man like a boy, the more he will act like one and it will drive you both crazy.
Learn the symptoms and solutions to prevent this hidden romance killer from taking over your relationship and enjoy creating love that lasts.
– Taking over: Thinking you are responsible for everything – what he eats, how he takes his vitamins, wears his clothes, cares for his things, manages appointments etc.., When you start to think you know what`s better for him and become his keeper.
– Making him an extension of yourself: Stains on his shirt affect your self-image. Feeling that everything your man does is a reflection of you and you become over nurturing and try to fix him or his ways.
And a few of our favorites from Barbara De Angelis:
– Assuming he’ll forget: Reminding him or making lists of things he needs to do on his own.
– Scolding him as if he is a child and giving him the “I told you so” attitude to prove you were right.
– Telling him what to do or suggesting “improvements” when he doesn’t ask for help.
Solution: Set non-negotiable rules for yourself to prevent overstepping your boundaries.
– Remind yourself that he’s a grown man and he has managed to get this far without you. Stop doing things for your man that he can do for himself. Treat him like a confident capable person. Don’t speak to him in disciplinary tones and once you agree on what his responsibilities are, don’t take over even if he makes a mistake.
Most importantly, respect his decisions. If you have issues with his decisions – tell him how you feel (without nagging) as well as how it affects your love for him or your relationship. Let him volunteer a solution or make a non-demanding request for what you want. Have the intention to be heard and understood but not an agenda to try to change him.
Red Flag: Pay attention if you are in the dating stage – is this is a person whose decisions you don’t respect? Do you mistrust his judgement and disagree with the way he lives his life? If this is the case, it will only get worst with time. If you choose to stay in the relationship, it will be easy for you to become a “mother” and cause problems in the long term.
The Bottom Line is: if you are convinced you need to change a man; this is your warning sign to get out of the relationship because he is not the “one” for you.
Caution: Beware of the man who lives with his mother or looks to you for the kind of care his mother gives. Men often marry women who display “mother” characteristics because they want a caregiver who will assume responsibility for every detail in the household, only to look outside of their marriage to satisfy their sexual needs.
Remember, when you are his “mother”, you are no longer his lover. Every time you cross the healthy boundaries of letting him be his own man, you are compromising your love life. Take a deep breath and courageously remind yourself that he is capable of taking care of himself. With this newfound freedom to feel like a woman, you will have more time and energy to create and enjoy a richer love life.