Are you or your partner guilty of promising something and then not following through? Many of us are guilty of not “walking the talk” or putting our words into action.
One situation that I recently was faced with, involved a girl with her partner who had become extremely frustrated with his behaviour and lack of communication in the relationship. Thursday nights seemed to be the most difﬁcult night for them to have a concrete plan. He would promise to sleepover after work, but then would not show up and sometimes would even fail to give her a phone call and end up falling asleep at home.
As an dating coach, hearing this made my blood boil. Her sadness had become a result of her partner’s lack of communication. She felt frustrated and under appreciated so of course she was left venting to her friends. All she really wanted was for him to call and let her know what was happening. If he was not going to make it over after work, then she would be able to see him the next day and head to bed without worrying all night.
“Communicate with your partner to avoid uneasy feelings and show you care.”
I can’t stress enough how important it is to communicate with your partner. If you are left with bad feelings as a result of your partner’s actions, you must address the issue immediately. The longer you wait to bring up the times he pissed you off, the worse his response will be. Make sure to remain calm while addressing the issue, otherwise you may say things that are hurtful and damaging to the relationship. Praise yourself for addressing the complaint shortly after the issue occurs as this is one of the healthiest activities for a couple rather than sweeping it under the table.
Back to the example I stated earlier.
I honestly believe that it wasn’t her boyfriend’s intention to hurt her by not calling or showing up. Instead, he is an example of a “lazy” communicator and is unaware how his actions really affect his girlfriends feelings. By being honest and addressing how she felt after these situations occurred he was able to see how he needed to step up and “walk the talk”. By using “I feel” versus “you” statements we communicate effectively without eliciting defensiveness.
For example: “When you don’t call me to let me know what’s going on, I feel hurt that you aren’t considering my feelings ”. At this point your partner is clear how you feel and will not repeat the same situations if he really cares about the relationship.
For future cases of not being able to make a date, COMMUNICATE with your spouse to avoid uneasy feelings and show you care. No one wants to wait around for plans to happen. Openly communicate that you will make a plan to see your partner at another date, so that she has something to look forward to and move forward..