“My happiness is my own responsibility.” This is what one of the participants said she learned at the end of “True-Love,” a one-day workshop I offer on building conscious fulfilling relationships. When she shared what she learned with me, I felt quite satisfied with myself knowing that… she got it!
The more I coach my clients, and study, and live my own personal journey, the more I see that making our happiness our own responsibility is the basis for a fulfilling joyful life. Why on earth should anyone else be more interested in giving us what we want than we are, ourselves?! When I work with clients who come to see me with long lists of things their partner are doing/not doing that are making them unhappy, the more we usually discover that they are not actively engaged in taking action steps towards fulfilling their goals and aspirations.
It’s not that we are not supposed to receive love from the outside. It’s that no amount of love from the outside can ever make up for the unhappiness and emptiness we feel when we do not self-love! WE are in charge of looking at all the different areas of our life and bringing out the best in them. In fact, I find that the more we look for something or someone outside ourselves to give us the love we crave, the more elusive that love becomes. It’s literally the story of the dog chasing its tail.
Magic happens when we start feeling the joy within ourselves of knowing that we are worthy of love and proving it to ourselves by taking actions to fulfill our hearts desires. As we do this, immense gratitude and joy starts to fill our life more and more every day.
For example one of my clients kept on attracting mean and abusive women in his life. After working with him and getting him to feel that he was worthy of love, he realized that as a child, his father had been quite abusive and condescending. As a child he had promised himself that he would never be aggressive like his father. My client was suffering from low self-esteem and was worried about losing love, even if it was not very fulfilling love. As a result, he did not have the courage to ask for what he needed and stand up for himself when needed.
His father had many reasons for doing what he had done. What was important for my client to see, was that his dad had not done these things because something was wrong his son. It was because his father had been hurt, disconnected from his heart and felt unworthy of love. He was miserable as a result. Men of that generation did not have systems in place to learn to cope with pain. The only thing they could do was push down their unresolved issues, which usually resurfaced as anger or drinking to try to lessen the pain.
My client had to learn the difference between being “aggressive”, like his dad and being “assertive”, which is necessary if we want to love ourselves. Once he started to respect himself and his needs, his worthiness increased and his world started to change. He is now creating fulfilling, giving and supportive relationships that help him make more of a difference in the world.
The following is a practice I give my clients who are single and who want to accelerate the process of finding a consciously loving relationship:
o As often as you can, connect with your heart and feel the joy of knowing that you are worthy of love. See and feel the beauty of your essence.
o Feel the joy of knowing that your mate can now see the beauty of your essence as a result of you knowing it.
o Feel the gratitude you have for this beautiful, perfect mate and how much you love their essence.
If you use this exercise on a regular basis, you will see powerful transformations happen in your world. The more blocks you have to the truth -that you are worthy- the more you will attract situations to test you. These “situations” will help you see where you have illusions that you are unworthy of love and what is preventing you from getting what you would love: They will often come as challenges, so don’t shy away from them. They are specifically designed to help you rediscover that you are worthy of love. If you use techniques like Inner Freedom Method or N.E.T., you will quickly find and dissolve the moment the illusion was stored in your body and subconscious mind, enabling you to free yourself and get what you love.
You can use this practice to create anything you would love to bring into your life. As you feel your worthiness, keep on listening and acting on your heart’s desires in all the different areas of your life. The more you pay attention to yourself and act on what you would love for yourself, the more you transform your world in ‘magical’ ways.
Love + Light,