• Nationwide
  • Toronto
  • Vancouver
  • Calgary
  • Montreal
  • Los Angeles
  • Chicago
  • NYC
Eligible Magazine
  • Dating
    • Editor’s Dating Notes
    • Better Dating Ideas
    • “The Bachelor” Advice
    • Guy Talk
    • Girl Talk
  • Relationships
  • Sex
  • Events
  • Fashion
    • Men’s Style
    • Women’s Style
  • Lifestyle
    • Gossip
    • Wine & Dine
    • Luxurious Living
    • Entertainment
    • Destinations
  • Wellness
    • Men’s Fitness
    • Women’s Fitness
    • Get Inspired
    • Doctor’s Orders
    • A Better YOU
    • Beauty
  • Bachelor & Bachelorette
  • Cities
    • Nationwide
    • Toronto
    • Vancouver
    • Calgary
    • Montreal
    • Los Angeles
    • Chicago
    • NYC
A Better YOU 0

Childhood Attachment Theory And Adult Relationships

By Nicole McCance @nicole_mccance · On June 21, 2013

During the late 1950’s until the 1980’s, British psychologist John Bowlby, along with his colleagues, researched and published work on a childhood attachment theory. Through several studies and experiments, researchers compiled empirical data on the first relationship humans experience: the attachment between a parent and child.

In 1969, Bowlby defined attachment as a “lasting psychological connectedness between human beings.” Since that time, many studies have supported the idea of that first sense of “psychological connectedness” predicting your future relationships. The attachment style you display as a child toward your parents, can help to predict your relationship behaviours in adult life. Attachment styles in childhood and adulthood are not identical, but can be similar.

In the 1970’s, psychologist (and student of Bowlby’s) Mary Ainsworth conducted research with the conclusion that there are 3 major styles of attachment:

Secure Attachment
Ambivalent-Insecure Attachment
Avoidant-Insecure Attachment

Secure Attachment

Children with a secure attachment style rely on their parents for comfort and happiness. They are upset when they are apart from their parents, and prefer the company of their parents, rather than other caregivers. Parents of these children are attentive, responsive, play and spend more time with their children than parents of children with other attachment types. These children display less aggression, more empathy, maturity, and calm behaviour than other children.

Children who are securely attached tend to grow up with confidence, good social support, and seek out long-term, strong, and trusting relationships.

Ambivalent Attachment
These children are distressed when separated from a parent, but do not seem soothed or comforted when the parent returns. The child may display aggression and rejection toward the parent if left alone for a time. These children are wary of strangers and become overly dependant on their parents. This type of attachment is relatively uncommon.

Children with an ambivalent attachment style, can grow up with a mistrust of partners, and may worry about their partner leaving them, not loving them, or cheating on them. This often leads to a cycle of breakups, which seem to confirm the suspicions of the individual, leading to future mistrust and heartbreak.

Avoidant Attachment
Children with this attachment style may not reject affection from a parent, but they do not seek out that parent for comfort or attention. This child may show no preference between a parent and a stranger. An avoidant attached child seems independent, and might keep away from parents and caregiver.

As adults, individuals with an avoidant attachment style may have difficulty forming intimate relationships. They may show an inability to open up, let others in, and express their emotions. They may seem cold, distant, and uninterested.

Your childhood attachment style could be predicting the outcome of your adult relationships. However, you are not stuck in one attachment style, and working with a therapist can help you to uncover the motivation in your relationship behaviour.

Share Tweet

Nicole McCance

Nominated, RBC Women Entrepreneur of the Year, Nicole McCance M.A. is a fully licensed Psychological Associate. Her services are covered under extended health care and she is licensed to diagnose mental disorders. Nicole is also an author of the best-selling book 52 Ways to Beat Depression Naturally. She has over 9 years of formal university education and has completed a certificate program in trauma and recovery from Harvard Medical School. She has a M.A in Counselling Psychology from the University of Toronto, a B.A. in Criminology and a B.A with Honours in Psychology from Carleton University. Nicole owns Nicole McCance Psychology, which has over 10 counselling locations providing both individual and couples counselling across the GTA. Over 120 individuals and couples receive counselling every month through Nicole McCance Psychology. She has been providing counselling and assessment services for the past 10 years across North America and in Russia. She has been a frequent contributor to media outlets such as CP24, CTV News, CTV National, Global TV,City TV, CBC News, Rogers, CBC Radio, ABC Spark, E!, the Toronto Star and Canadian Living. You can visit her website at nicolemccance.com.

You Might Also Like

  • Better Dating Ideas

    Better Dating Ideas Toronto: June 20-22

  • Women's Style

    Bikinis: Fashion Tips For All Shapes & Sizes

  • cell phones cause breakups Relationships

    How Cell Phones Cause Breakups

More from this author

  • Emotionally Bankrupt A Better YOU

    Are You Emotionally Bankrupt?

  • A Better YOU

    Struggling In Your Relationship? IMAGO Therapy Can Help!

  • A Better YOU

    Medication Or Mindset

No Comments

Leave a reply Cancel reply

Search

Subscribe & Follow

Follow @EligibleZine
Follow on Instagram
Eligible Magazine Pheed
Follow eligiblezine

Find us on Facebook

Eligible TV

Twitter: eligiblezine

  • There really is no place like home especially when our beaches are this beautiful we got together the best beaches… https://t.co/hiMFCfYUoO 04:00:23 PM July 12, 2019 from Hootsuite Inc.
  • RT @EligibleZine: As time goes, on nature takes its course. An aging parent is hard enough to handle, let alone while keeping your relation… 11:43:50 AM July 12, 2019 from Twitter for iPhone
  • Comfort is great when it comes to beds, couches and clothes but for your life it can be limiting to your best poten… https://t.co/Le9uIQq6pg 10:45:15 AM July 08, 2019 from Hootsuite Inc.

Eligible Poll

Eligible Magazine now available on iPad, iPhone and smartphone

  • Contributors

About

Eligible Magazine is a lifestyle magazine for urban men and women who want the best from their dating life, their relationships and themselves. It features articles and video content on dating, relationships, sex, wellness and lifestyle by some of the country's foremost experts. The magazine is available online, for sale on Apple's Newsstand for your iPad or iPhone and soon to be in print.

Recent Posts

  • Two Iconic Toronto Lifestyle Brands Unite

  • motionball 2022

    Motionball 2022 – Why You Should Mark Your Calendar

  • Why A Staycation Is Perfect For Your Next Date Night

  • Perfume for Women: What’s the Difference?

Contact

Contact Eligible Magazine
Work for Eligible Magazine
Advertise with Eligible Magazine
Write for Eligible Magazine
Unsubscribe
Privacy Policy

Search

© 2013 Eligible Magazine. All rights reserved.
  • Sitemap
  • Help
  • Contact Us
  • Terms of Use
  • Copyright
  • Privacy & Cookie Policy
  • Advertising
  • Announcements
Eligible Magazine
Eligible Magazine on Apple App Store