In the era of #MeToo, many straight men have suggested it’s become impossible to date. Well, The MeToo Movement isn’t about making it harder to date; the movement wants to make it harder to rape. Those are two very different things. In light of this, here are some tips for non-creepy ways to talk to women. Want to know how to approach a lady without using a sleazy or misogynistic pickup line you learned in middle school? Want to make sure a woman you’re intimate with is actually into it? Well, here are four questions to promote successful, consensual dating! Please put them to go use!
1. “Hi, My name is _____________. How are you today?”
Keep it simple with this stripped down conversation starter. The more elaborate the opener, the more it sounds like you’re a sleazy pickup artist, which makes us ladies feel harassed and uncomfortable. By contrast, introducing yourself, while asking about a woman’s welfare, signals you’re both transparent and considerate. It shows you’re interested in her life, and you’re willing to share important details about your own, like your name! Sketchy guys usually put off telling women their names for as long as possible, due to nefarious reasons. Of course, make sure your tell the woman in question your real name, not a pseudonym. Remember, pseudonyms are only okay for 1930s middle-grade mystery authors. As an addendum, please remember that if a woman appears disinterested in speaking to your or walks away, the conversation should be over. Do not pester or follow her. Instead, focus on the fact that there are plenty of other fish in the sea.
2. “Excuse me, do you have a good drink recommendation?”
“Hey baby, can I buy you a drink?” is a perennial favourite in the world of pickup lines. However, it’s creepily aggressive. Don’t start a conversation by attempting to make a woman feel indebted to you for gifting her with a craft beer! Do you really want a woman to say yes out of politeness, then talk to you for twenty minutes, but only because she feels obligated to do so out of further politeness, on account of you spending $7 on her. Instead, when someone who looks interesting is sitting at the bar, as if she could recommend a drink to you. This avoids creating an uncomfortable power imbalance, and also signals you care about what this woman thinks. You’re interested in her as more than a “piece of ass” (Sorry to be crass!). If successful, this query opens up opportunities to ask follow up questions about cool cocktails you’ve enjoyed elsewhere. See, being non-creepy can be fun!
3. “May I kiss you?”
Here’s a secret – lots of ladies love being asked if you can kiss them! At the end of a First Date, we’re often uncertain how well we vibed with someone. “Did they like me as much as I liked them?” is the question on everyone’s lips, so to speak. So if you’re not sure, outright ask if it’s okay to kiss them. This avoids the awkwardness of a bad kiss on your part, and it means you haven’t made a woman feel ambushed and uncomfortable. It takes a bit of courage to ask someone for a make out session in such a straightforward manner, but letting someone know you respect them – and their bodily autonomy – can be a real turn on.
4. “Would you like to have sex?”
Here’s a helpful mnemonic, “Just because someone is at your home, that doesn’t mean they want to bone!” Dudes, if a lady comes home with you – or if she invites you bak to her place – that’s no guarantee she wants to hook up. When a woman invites you up to have a drink, she may just be inviting you up for a drink! Of course, she may also want to hook up, but being interested in one sex act does not mean you’re always interested in another. Clear communication is sexy, and it prevents sexual assaults. Win-win, guys! So if you’re hoping to go to Bone Town, you must first ask your partner if that’s what she wants, too. Here’s another mnemonic, “When you assume, you make an ass out of ‘u’ and ‘me,’ and you get a little rapey…” When getting intimate with someone, consent has to be your top priority!
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