Valentine’s Day is the one day that we are compelled, no, obligated to be at our romantic best. Expectations are high and nobody wants to disappoint their lover. We make special plans, purchase special gifts and maybe even write a love note. You can expect the very best from your love on this single day of the year.
But recently I had an experience that has given me a change of heart about that single day of the year.
It must have been three or four AM when I awoke from an unsettling dream.
The room was pitch black and my vision was still hazy in my half-awake state.
I could just barely make out that my girlfriend was within my reach and after that dream it comforted me to know she was close. I breathed a sigh of relief and reached over to bring my love close to my chest.
But in an instant she disappeared.
Instead of touching her soft warm skin, I awoke completely to touch and then see the cold white pillow along my side that had acted as a cruel mirage.
It wasn’t my girlfriend. I didn’t have one. It was a taunting vision of my ex-girlfriend that was there for a moment and then vanished leaving me feeling very alone in my empty bed.
Wide awake now I just lay there staring at the ceiling as thoughts of her swirled in my mind.
I thought of our lost love.
I didn’t think about whether our relationship was right or wrong. I knew that answer. Instead, I thought of whether I had been the best partner that I could have been. Not to have changed the outcome, but to say that I had truly done my best as a man.
Did I listen to her enough?
Did I hold her enough?
Did I kiss her enough?
Did I experience and appreciate all that I could while we were our happiest?
What could I have done differently?
I thought of our fights and silly squabbles and asked myself if I could have been a better man to settle or even prevent them.
I questioned my choices and my actions and my words. I concluded that I could have done more.
I made a mental note to be better next time.
Next time I’ll try to make every day, Valentine’s Day..