To Call or Not to Call?

Q. I went out on a great date with a guy and at the end he said he’d call me. It’s been over a week and I haven’t heard from him. Could he still be interested? Should I have called him?

A. This is a common scenario in that weird-zone immediately after that first date. You feel that you had a great time but you’re left wondering and waiting and anticipating the next point of communication. He said he’d call so it’s reasonable for you to expect his call.  Problem is, saying “I’ll call you” doesn’t necessarily mean we’ll call you. It is what we say when we intend to call you, but it’s also what we say when we just want to put a bow on the end of the date and put it behind us. It may sound cruel because women can take what we say very literally but it’s what we say in place of “that was an adequate date but I don’t see it going anywhere so have a nice life”.

When it comes to guys, I would focus more on his actions and try to filter his words. Our actions will get you closer to the truth than anything we say.

So, let’s say you went out on Thursday and you haven’t heard from him for over a week, his actions are telling you clearly that he’s not genuinely interested in you. Any guy who’s attracted to a woman and truly is interested in spending time to get to know you would have emailed, called or at very, very least text messaged you.

Should you have called him? I guess you could. We do like feedback and it’s not a bad insurance move just in case he’s reluctant to call you thinking that maybe you didn’t enjoy yourself.

Here’s the thing about contacting him, don’t do it right away and be careful of what you say.

Contact him late the next day or early the second day after the date.  Also, if you do contact him, don’t start campaigning for the next date or talk in large “relationship” terms. When I say relationship terms I’m referring to messages that say “I can really see us in the future” or “I think I may have found someone special in you”. These are sure-fire turn offs for us unless something exceptional and unlikely happened on the date.

So there you have it. Focus on his actions and less on his words. If he said he’d call and you didn’t hear from him for over a week, he’s either not interested or he’s been eaten by Lions.

Remember, you can consider calling or messaging him just in case he’s trying to figure his next move out, but make it a short text saying you had fun or hope his day’s going well.

Good luck!

Gary

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