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Girl Talk 2

How You Feel Around Him Is More Important Than Shared Interests

By Christine Hart · On February 20, 2013

Me: “You’re dating a new guy for about a month, right? Tell me, what do you like about him?”

Female Client: “Well, we both like running, he lives downtown, his parent’s have a cottage up North, he has a Bachelor’s Degree from the same University and we both have dogs”

Me:  “Okay, we’ll keep those interests in mind. So how do you feel about yourself when you are around him?”

Female Client: “I find that I’m definitely spending a lot more time worried about my weight and what I look like. He’s super fit and goes running like every morning.  He’s also really flirtatious so it makes me feel kinda self-conscious.”

Me: “When do you feel good, smart and completely yourself around him?”

Female Client: “Um, I don’t think I ever feel that way”

I witness a lot of singles getting really caught up in all the interests they have in common with the person they are dating, almost completely missing the importance of shared values.

“We’re both from the same town and our parent’s know each other”

“We’re in the same industry so we get each other”

Honestly, I’ve seen people get married just because they’re both from the same town! And they hold onto the belief it should work based on that one fact.

In many cases, shared values or how you “feel about yourself” around the other person seem to be a very distant second when it comes to requirements in a partner.

Many people have the basic values in common such as family, friends, religion, etc. but what I’m speaking of are the deeper values. These can be discovered by asking yourself these questions:

Does the person I’m dating inspire me?

Would I want more of this person and their traits in my children? (this is a biggie)

Are there traits that he/she has that I wish I had in myself?

These are very powerful questions and when answered honestly, are far better predictors of long-term happiness than “we both like to play sports”.

By all means, continue to find out what sorts of shared interests you have in common with the person you’re dating but pay much closer attention to shared values and how you FEEL about yourself around them.

Live Love, Christine

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Christine Hart

As a Gender Communication Specialist & Relationship Coach for almost a decade, Christine is the founder of Your Date Coach Inc. She is an industry leader in navigating the world of effective male/female communication. Her guidance and techniques have led to more than 65 lasting marriages. She is the author of 'The Art of Living a Flirtatious Life', - a book dedicated to helping women connect with the power of their femininity. Christine holds a BA in Communication Studies and is a graduate of the PAX Mastery Program in California. PAX is dedicated to transforming the way men and women relate to each other. yourdatecoach.com

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2 Comments

  • Nadine says: February 22, 2013 at 12:45 pm

    Great article Christine…it is really all about the way we ‘feel’ for the most part isn’t that so true.

    Reply
    • Christine Hart says: February 25, 2013 at 12:15 pm

      Thank you Nadine! Yes, it’s an important detail that we sometimes overlook. Honest answers to the key questions I’ve provided will really help in staying true to oneself.

      Reply

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