Last week I had a great session with a client. She shared a story from her past that to me, is the perfect metaphor for what happens so often, to so many of us: We create stories in our minds (according to our beliefs) for how things “should be.” And often, they have nothing to do with the truth. They are lies we tell ourselves because we don’t know better. As a result, we decrease our self-worth and our ability to have what we would love in life.
While exploring the statement “I am worthy of love” with this client, she was brought back to a series of experiences that occurred when she was five years old. She would hide under the balcony of her house, believing that her mother would panic thinking that she had run away. She wanted to see her mom panic, run around and look for her in despair. She wanted her mom to think she had lost her.
This, in her mind would confirm that her mom loved her. But for some reason, to her dismay, her mother never did run around in panic! My client repeatedly tried hiding under the balcony in order to get the response that would finally prove that she was loved, but to no end. As a result, she lived her life believing that her mom did not love her.
When she was an adult, my client told her mother how she’d “hide under the balcony” hoping to get a reaction. She asked her why she never went looking for her…why she never panicked. The answer she received was very matter-of-fact. Her mother could see her hiding under the balcony and figured that she would come out when she felt like it! It was as simple as that.
Often times people, especially children, form beliefs or laws about their life, their self-value and their destiny, because of how they interpreted something that happened to them. They make up stories about why it happened based on what they believe should have happened.
Yesterday again, with another client, I was reminded of the common belief held by older siblings, that they were not enough or not worthy of love anymore because mommy needed to have another baby. The new baby was more important, they felt, because mom was paying a lot more attention to the baby.
I’m writing this to remind us (including me) that the two most important core values we need to hold on to are:
1) We are worthy of love
2) We must follow our dreams and aspirations.
Whenever we have the illusion that we are unworthy, we need to pay attention and figure out where we got this erroneous belief. Then, we must dissolve it (the story), so we can feel more connected to our heart and feel the fulfillment we are all looking for in life.
Love & Light,
Dr Lise
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