At one time or another, each of us has suffered through the anxious moments of silence after what seemed like a successful date with someone new. You had fun and shared a great connection… so why aren’t they calling? The silence has a lot to say.
What is the Silence Telling You?
1. They aren’t ready. Some people go on dates while they are still recovering from a relationship. The “closeness” they feel during your date can be transference from the familiarity of a previous lover. People often test the waters to see if they are ready for love again, only to have a great date trigger their unresolved feelings and create distance afterward. To learn more read “Relationship Red Flags”.
2. The expectations can`t be met. You each express your hopes and expectations during the date and your prospective lover feels they cannot meet yours or that you may not satisfy theirs. They determine that this relationship can’t give them what they want and there is no future. They don’t know how to tell you, so they let silence do the talking.
3. They have met someone else. Sometimes in pursuit of “the one”, people will date several individuals at once and realize only through trial and error who is their better match. If you are often attracting this kind of experience take the time to read “Are You Ready For Love”.
4. There are extenuating circumstances. Life has taken an unexpected turn and your prospective lover is tied up with urgent responsibilities or traveling.
5. They are commitment phobic. A sign of commitment phobia is a person who dazzles you with agreeable charm, warmth and enthusiasm only to feel the fear of commitment and boredom in the aftermath and not call again. …Until they feel you are at a safe distance and then reach out to you – and the games begin. To learn more read: “Are You Commitment Phobic”.
The bottom line is that this person is not “the one” for you.
How Do You Handle the Silence?
Don’t take it personally: This will challenge your self-esteem. If you aren’t sure what’s happening, drop the expectation that they need to be the first to reach out and make an authentic attempt to connect with a friendly message (text / phone).
Reveal What’s UnderMind: Silence is the perfect environment for you to check in with yourself and the beliefs you have about yourself worth and your ability to love and be loved. How much do you trust men or women? What is your level of cynicism about dating and long term relationships? Do you fear you are destined to be alone? Listen to your inner chatter. What is it saying? To learn more read UnderMind to Discover the 7 Subconscious Beliefs that Sabotage Your Life and How to Overcome Them: www.pnrt.ca/undermind
Embrace the Waves: Be kind to yourself and accept that if you actually liked this person, you may go through the various stages of disappointment, confusion, hurt, anger, and frustration that will likely reinforce your negative beliefs because you aren’t getting the attention you want.
Reach Out: By the time you are ready to check in with your love interest, you may be annoyed that they haven’t called. Make sure if you do reach out you sound like the same happy person they saw last time. Avoid being indignant, judgmental and entitled.
Before contacting them whether by text or phone, take a deep breath and go back to the time when you felt happy with this person. Reach out with a friendly message keeping it light and simple. Send a picture or a reference of something you enjoyed together.
If there is no response: Or it takes more than 24hours for them to reply (unless there are genuinely extenuating circumstances), be thankful for the silence as it indicates that this may not be the right person for you. This is NOT the time to try harder to get their attention but to receive the gift of early detection and recalculate your destination for someone that will give you the attention you deserve.