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desire
Sex 0

When Desire Is Gone

By Aleida Heinz @AleidaHeinz · On October 8, 2014

What happens when you or your partner stop wanting sex? It is very common, especially among women, to have the concern of not wanting to be sexually involved with their partner, but not necessarily because the desire was gone. Often sexual desire is still present in a persons life, either spontaneous or induced, but its manifestation is avoided, hidden or neglected due to relationship conflicts, personal issues or resentments.

When desire is gone, it may lead to infidelity

A “shared loneliness” (being in a relationship but feeling alone) may create the need to share feelings of desire with a third party which forms emotional bonds with someone else. Inadvertently, this
sharing may actually lead to a partial or complete disconnection from the spouse or partner, leading to infidelity.

In many cases, the concept of low sexual desire is wrongly used to describe a person full of resentment who just doesn’t want to have sex any more with a particular person. When a man or a woman feels hurt, rejected, misunderstood or abandoned by his or her partner, love and passion are hidden behind the darkness of anger, fear and pain, making desire to disappear.

desire

FINDING DESIRE

The initial desire that brought you together may still be there but is asleep.

Here are five activities to do together daily in order to bring desire for each other back. Do it with intention, commitment, and willingness to be together:

• Behave “as if” you’re falling in love with your partner again; that is, creating the habit of love.

• Kiss deeply (French kiss) DAILY at least for 30 seconds.

• Hug each other tightly twice a day for 10 minutes.

• Dance together at least once a month.

• Give each other the 4 important day kisses: The good morning, the good night, the goodbye and the welcome home.

When a woman and a man feel loved, appreciated and well stimulated, their sex drive can reach its full potential. The task is for both of you; the reward is also for both of you, but all depends on you. There is no better therapy, medicine or anything else to create desire than a passionate partner full of life. So, pay attention to your loved one, be tolerant, and gentle in the process of feeling desired again.

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Aleida Heinz

Dr. Aleida Heinz holds a Ph.D. in Human Sexuality, a Master’s degree in Sexology and Couple Clinical Counseling, and a BS in Family Science & Psychology. She is a Board Certified Sexologist and member of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT), and the International Society for the Study of Women's Sexual Health (ISSWSH). Dr. Heinz has 15 years of private practice, has been invited to numerous radio and TV programs, international congresses, and writes for various articles and columns. Visit her website aleidaheinz.com.

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