I know we all want to live for the future and look forward to the prospect of something new and exciting, to feel those butterflies or dizzying thoughts that only fresh, new, young love can bring. But what happens when you have been out in the dating world, looking for love, leaving no stone unturned and it’s just not fluttery feelings that you are getting from it all?
It wasn’t until I got to date number 8,883 this past year (kidding…sort of) that I finally took a breather and literally removed myself from society. Well, at least local Toronto society and went to a quiet beach alone, far, far away. With some true quiet time (due in part to the completion of all three “50 Shades”), a clear head and likely way too much sun, I realized I was longing for something I once had. No longer was my mind thinking ahead to what might be and looking forward to meeting someone I haven’t met, I started to fantasize about my past relationship and where it could have gone – or maybe could still go? WHAT!? I thought I closed that door, in fact slammed it shut.
I pondered the fact that so many of my friends, colleagues and acquaintances are going through divorce, separation or just plain ugly breakups. It made me realize just how fragile even the most solid seeming marriage can be. Are we all giving up too easily? Is trying to make things work becoming too much work? Is anyone ever going to be good enough? As a born workaholic, I know I am not afraid of hard work, but again I am guilty of seeing an escape route when I found things getting rough. Looking for and finding the path of least resistance was the easy way to get away from a slightly uncomfortable relationship as fast as possible. Things worth having take a lot of work, my mother always says, otherwise they are not worth having and keeping for long. Are relationships becoming too disposable? So this brings me back to the beach and the rear-view mirror and the thought that maybe it’s time to really roll up my sleeves and realize there’s some serious work ahead.
My last ‘love’, we will call him, wasn’t perfect and certainly was challenging in both the fun, exciting kind of way and also the challenging rip your hair out kind of way, but was also a total diamond in the rough and a true heart underneath it all. As I compared him to the other “8,883”, I suddenly realized that maybe I didn’t have it so bad and perhaps all I needed was a little more perspective and a little less “Hollywood romance” movie.
We’ve all heard the stories of going back and reconnecting and finding the one who (almost) got away. I know by looking in my rear-view mirror, I saw something that caught my eye and looked a lot more appealing, exciting and realistic. It was something I was somehow motivated to work for and put myself on the line for….even more than the images I sell myself when trying to get psyched for date #8,884.
…to be continued…