I love my wife and our sex life is pretty good. Recently I’ve been fantasizing about a threesome with another woman (or maybe a guy) and I want to run it by her but I’m worried it will adversely affect the good sex life we have now. I don’t want her to think I’m thinking of other women or a pervert. Any suggestions on how to broach the subject?
You’re definitely not a pervert and thinking about other women (or men) is perfectly natural. However, fantasizing and acting upon your fantasies are two entirely different concepts with considerably differing outcomes. Before you divulge your fantasy to her, you might want to decide if it’s something you want to talk about or something you’d actually like to try. You know your wife better than I do and you’re certainly more familiar with the terms of your relationship, so I’ll offer my limited perspective and suggest you use your best judgment in applying my advice.
If you simply want to talk about having a threesome and use this as a spring board for spicing up your sex life, I say go for it. Offer her reassurance that you just want to fantasize about a threesome together and engage in the role play, dirty talk and exploration associated with this hot fantasy. You might decide to watch threesome-based porn together to ignite the spark or blindfold her and use dirty talk to convince her that you’re sharing her with another man. Down the road, you may even decide to visit a bar and pick out potential “candidates” with the full understanding and agreement that you’ll never actually approach or proposition a third party. For many people the idea of a threesome is hotter (and more convenient) than the actual experience and some couples can use this fantasy to fan the flames for years — even decades!
If, however, you want to explore the possibility of arranging a threesome for you and your wife, I offer this advice:
Talk, talk and talk some more. Discuss your concerns, boundaries, fears, insecurities, desires and more. Admit to all of your potentially negative emotions and run through all the worst case scenarios you can imagine. Know that you will compare yourself to a third party and think about whether or not you can handle the comparison. Start with the fantasy side and take baby steps (e.g. visiting a strip club or attending a swinger’s meet and greet with the agreement that you won’t do anything but talk) before moving onto flesh-on-flesh action. Set rules, stick to them, check in with one another and offer your partner lots of reassurance even if you don’t think she needs it. Tell her to do the same.
If you want more of advice on threesomes, click here.
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