• Nationwide
  • Toronto
  • Vancouver
  • Calgary
  • Montreal
  • Los Angeles
  • Chicago
  • NYC
Eligible Magazine
  • Dating
    • Editor’s Dating Notes
    • Better Dating Ideas
    • “The Bachelor” Advice
    • Guy Talk
    • Girl Talk
  • Relationships
  • Sex
  • Events
  • Fashion
    • Men’s Style
    • Women’s Style
  • Lifestyle
    • Gossip
    • Wine & Dine
    • Luxurious Living
    • Entertainment
    • Destinations
  • Wellness
    • Men’s Fitness
    • Women’s Fitness
    • Get Inspired
    • Doctor’s Orders
    • A Better YOU
    • Beauty
  • Bachelor & Bachelorette
  • Cities
    • Nationwide
    • Toronto
    • Vancouver
    • Calgary
    • Montreal
    • Los Angeles
    • Chicago
    • NYC
Relationships 8

Compatibility Countdown – Can You Be Too Picky?

By Tanya Joanna @Courageouslivin · On March 14, 2012

We spend so much time choosing a car and carefully considering the options: the upgrades, the mileage, status or ecological impact. We test drive to evaluate the comfort and compatibility with our lifestyle and imagine what life would look like with this car over time. Do we give the same consideration to our relationships?

Thinking about being in a relationship and looking for “the one”?  How reliable is your compatibility meter for relationship success?

Relationships are the cornerstone of joy and fulfillment in our lives. Studies show that people who have a greater sense of relationship clarity and compatibility are more apt to last longer and be happier. So, how do you determine what’s important to you and stay true to yourself in your pursuit for the most suitable mate?

If you are looking for a lasting relationship or are in the early stages of a new romance, take the time to and gain more clarity to get the love you want.

We have created an exercise to help you identify your needs and wants in the 12 areas essential to relationship compatibility.  Go through this step-by-step process to create your vision, help simplify your dating process and accelerate results. In the end you will discover your top 3-5 non negotiable traits to find the most compatible mate for long term happiness.

Step 1: Copy and paste these 12 categories below into a word document or write them out if you feel more connected to pen and paper.

Step 2: List the attributes and qualities that you desire in each category.  List as many as you want.  Be detailed and specific.

Step 3: Circle the areas of compatibility that are non-negotiable otherwise known as “deal breakers”. Be honest with yourself. If they weren’t present in your relationship, would you be unhappy and constantly feel that something is missing?

Step 4:  Now look into your past relationships and examine which of the compatibility areas you were missing or where you over-compromised. If you are dating or in a relationship now, are they still missing? If so, why are you still compromising?

Step 5: Narrow it down – highlight 3-5 non-negotiable traits / values that are a must for you.

The 12 areas of essential compatibility you need to focus on are:

1. Physical style: personal style, appearance, age, fitness range, eating habits etc.

2. Emotional style: attitude towards relationship and affection, capacity to express feelings and intimacy.

3. Social style: personality traits and interaction with friends, support group.

4. Intellectual style: education background, attitude towards learning, creative expression, cultural experience.

5. Sexual style: sexual experience, skill, attitude, willingness to experiment etc.

6. Communication style: how they communicate, attitude toward communication.

7. Family: willing to marry, have children, current status (divorced, with or without kids), values.

8. Professional / financial style: relationship with money, attitude toward success, and organizational habits, attitude towards career (ethics and priority scale).

9. Personal growth: attitude toward self-improvement, willingness to work on relationship, ability to change self.

10. Spiritual style: attitude toward Higher Power, spiritual practices, philosophy of life, moral views.

11. Hobbies and interests: level of activity, upscale, low key, time spent indoors, outdoors etc.

12. Community: contribution, volunteer work, philanthropy etc.

This is a guide/template for you to take the time that is needed to dig deeper into your wants and needs to create the clarity for success. It will help you when you are in the throes of making an emotional and impulsive decision. Just like getting swept up in the excitement of an incompatible sports car is exciting and attractive, the reality is – if you are looking for an SUV to carry camping equipment, the sports car may cause long term inconvenience and disappointment. It’s easy to get caught up in lust. If you are committed to long term happiness, it requires a bit of rational thinking and a commitment to your compatibility needs.

Be Courageous! Stop dating – even casually, people who do not embody your 3-5 non-negotiable traits. Start communicating to people the kind of person you are looking for and become open and optimistic about “who’s out there”. Life will test your commitment to yourself. Have the courage to say “no” to the incompatible options – even it is just for fun or to fill the time. The sooner you start being true to yourself, the sooner true love will be yours.

Courageously yours,

Joanna and Tanya

Share Tweet

Tanya Joanna

Tanya Chernova and Joanna Andros are co-founders of Courageous Living and master educators in the area of personal growth and development. Engaging, informative, inspiring and entertaining! They provide the information tools and resources to help women and men recharge and reconnect to themselves and their dreams. They lead powerful events to help people do the healing heart work™ and get results they want and write the next fulfilling and joyful chapters of their lives. They candidly share their life lessons and experiences and are successful entrepreneurs, coaches, authors, speakers and popular guests on radio and television. courageousliving.com

You Might Also Like

  • Toronto Theatre Entertainment

    Toronto Theatre: Mules is a Compelling Play about Drug Trafficking

  • Lessons from Your Pooch A Better YOU

    Straying Into A Better 2016 With Life Lessons From Your Pooch

  • Lifestyle

    A Not-So-Scottish Premium Whisky

More from this author

  • Relationships

    Are You Guilty Of Best-Behavior Dating?

  • Relationships

    11 Questions to Emotional Freedom

  • Relationships

    Communicate Your Desires

8 Comments

  • Sara says: May 18, 2012 at 5:49 pm

    Lying on a beach in Mexico, my girlfriend and I just did this exercise. Thanks ladies! We love it! Such an eye-opener for us perfectionists 🙂

    Reply
    • tanya says: May 21, 2012 at 11:54 pm

      Perfect place to create the blue print for your perfect man! Focus precedes results 🙂 and yours are on their way!

      Reply
  • The 1 Minute Test: Are You Dating “The ONE?” | Eligible Magazine says: July 19, 2012 at 9:12 am

    […] Relationship science has proven that although love conquers all, a lack of compatibility can drain your love tank and break your blissful union. Respect, friendship and admiration are fundamental to a meaningful relationship that lasts.  If you score 3 out of 4 or less and still feel happy with your relationship – follow your heart and choose to dig deeper in the article on Compatibility Countdown. […]

    Reply
  • What’s Your Ultimatum for Love? | Eligible Magazine says: January 10, 2013 at 9:20 pm

    […] You may be looking for love in all the right places, but are you holding back your heart with an ultimatum for love? What’s the difference between having a set of wants or criteria for compatibility and an ultimatum? […]

    Reply
  • Relationship Red Flags | Eligible Magazine says: February 14, 2013 at 2:13 pm

    […]  So who are you looking for? […]

    Reply
  • Is There Anyone Out There For Me? | Eligible Magazine says: June 14, 2013 at 8:49 am

    […] For a road map into finding the one read https://www.eligiblemagazine.com/2012/03/14/compatibility-countdown-can-you-be-too-picky/ […]

    Reply
  • Relationship Red Flags | Tanya Chernova | Professional Speaker & Business Coach says: March 18, 2014 at 11:59 am

    […]  So who are you looking for? […]

    Reply
  • What’s Your Ultimatum For Love? | Tanya Chernova | Professional Speaker & Business Coach says: March 18, 2014 at 12:00 pm

    […] You may be looking for love in all the right places, but are you holding back your heart with an ultimatum for love? What’s the difference between having a set of wants or criteria for compatibility and an ultimatum? […]

    Reply
  • Leave a reply Cancel reply

    Search

    Subscribe & Follow

    Follow @EligibleZine
    Follow on Instagram
    Eligible Magazine Pheed
    Follow eligiblezine

    Find us on Facebook

    Eligible TV

    Twitter: eligiblezine

    • There really is no place like home especially when our beaches are this beautiful we got together the best beaches… https://t.co/hiMFCfYUoO 04:00:23 PM July 12, 2019 from Hootsuite Inc.
    • RT @EligibleZine: As time goes, on nature takes its course. An aging parent is hard enough to handle, let alone while keeping your relation… 11:43:50 AM July 12, 2019 from Twitter for iPhone
    • Comfort is great when it comes to beds, couches and clothes but for your life it can be limiting to your best poten… https://t.co/Le9uIQq6pg 10:45:15 AM July 08, 2019 from Hootsuite Inc.

    Eligible Poll

    Eligible Magazine now available on iPad, iPhone and smartphone

    • Contributors

    About

    Eligible Magazine is a lifestyle magazine for urban men and women who want the best from their dating life, their relationships and themselves. It features articles and video content on dating, relationships, sex, wellness and lifestyle by some of the country's foremost experts. The magazine is available online, for sale on Apple's Newsstand for your iPad or iPhone and soon to be in print.

    Recent Posts

    • Two Iconic Toronto Lifestyle Brands Unite

    • motionball 2022

      Motionball 2022 – Why You Should Mark Your Calendar

    • Why A Staycation Is Perfect For Your Next Date Night

    • Perfume for Women: What’s the Difference?

    Contact

    Contact Eligible Magazine
    Work for Eligible Magazine
    Advertise with Eligible Magazine
    Write for Eligible Magazine
    Unsubscribe
    Privacy Policy

    Search

    © 2013 Eligible Magazine. All rights reserved.
    • Sitemap
    • Help
    • Contact Us
    • Terms of Use
    • Copyright
    • Privacy & Cookie Policy
    • Advertising
    • Announcements
    Eligible Magazine
    Eligible Magazine on Apple App Store