In a world consumed by exaggerated notions of beauty, sexual self-esteem is often associated with physical appearance and learning a few signature moves. But being confident in bed isn’t about looking good naked or twisting two-thirds to the left at a medium pace. Sexual confidence is about feeling comfortable with yourself, so take a look at these strategies to feel better from the inside-out:
Accept that you have lots to learn. We all do!
Nothing holds us back in the sack more than the erroneous belief that we’re natural born lovers. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Since each person has a unique set of wants, needs and limitations, every new lover presents a fresh course in sex.
If you sometimes wonder what to do to seduce your lover, rev their engine or keep them coming, you’re perfectly normal. Don’t be discouraged if you feel you have lots to learn. As a sexologist, I’ve spent the last twelve years studying sex and I’ve only scratched the surface! You’re in good company and accepting that there is no such thing as a sexual mind-reader can help to boost your sexual self-esteem.
Enjoy your natural sense of humour.
Communication may be the foundation of a great sex life, but a healthy sense of humour holds it together in the toughest of times. Sometimes sex doesn’t go as planned and though it can be serious business, looking on the lighter side of things can help relieve the pressure and boost your confidence in bed.
Learn to love your body. Positive body image is strongly correlated with sexual performance and satisfaction, so do what it takes to get connected with your body!
From exercising and eating well to positive self-talk and pampering, tap into whatever strategies work for you. And remember that it’s not about gaining or losing weight, but increasing energy levels and watching your body perform in positive ways.
Think about why you want sex and try to be honest with your partner about your motivations and desired outcomes. Feeling empowered, asking for what you want and listening to your lover’s needs will make you a better lover and augment your sexual self-image.
Ask for positive feedback. Communication styles vary and some lovers will openly sing your praises while others will just lie back and enjoy the fruits of your labour. So if you’re not getting the praise you need (and deserve), tell your lover to step it up! We all need positive reinforcement — especially when it comes to sex.