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Relationships 0

Love After Betrayal?

By Aleida Heinz @AleidaHeinz · On October 16, 2015

The first thing to know is that love is a susceptible feeling that can grow or die. To love is taking action on that feeling; what you do with the love you feel. Infidelity is the betrayal of that feeling by breaking the agreements established between you and your partner – which always leads to deception.

If the agreements between you and your partner are broken and one of you has been unfaithful, you both are going to experience another reality. Things will change and you will probably feel that the love you shared has gone, bringing disappointment and sadness. As a result you may feel deeply confused, empty, depressed, and even angry, gradually denying your feeling of love.

WHAT TO DO?

Whatever the reasons for being unfaithful, the trust is now gone as is the nature of the commitment, but not necessarily the feelings of love. That is, your love feelings are there, but you are not able to find them. The keyword to address this situation is: COURAGE

Courage is not the absence of fear, rather it is recognizing and overcoming that fear. If fear and hopelessness dominate you, you will feel paralyzed, helplessly, keeping a vicious suffering circle. Therefore, I recommend you to courageously confront whatever is happening in your relationship to improve the situation by opening a healthy intimate space for communication.

Statistics show that 42% of men have been unfaithful at some point. Women also cheat but for different reasons. Commonly, women cheat for not feeling cared for in their relationship, and men for their sexual excitability. Both, men and women can develop cravings for others, have secret and intimate relationships (with or without physical contact) and be exposed to infidelity. If you are experiencing this kind of situation, talk it over with your partner with a determination to heal the relationship and make together a decision.

Take Action Now! It is possible to love after betrayal but you both need to have a lot of courage and the willingness to do something without taking the easy way of divorce or submission. Time helps but does not fix things. It is possible to overcome any betrayal situation with your partner only if there is the willingness to love better and a deep desire to stay together. Yes, you can continue with the same person, but with new agreements, manifesting your feeling of love in a different way.

Remember, problems are not solved by ignoring or denying the challenges of a relationship. They can be solved by facing conflict, disagreements and resentments, without giving up, and if needed it, by seeking professional help to overcome and re-build the relationship. This is the art of love.

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Aleida Heinz

Dr. Aleida Heinz holds a Ph.D. in Human Sexuality, a Master’s degree in Sexology and Couple Clinical Counseling, and a BS in Family Science & Psychology. She is a Board Certified Sexologist and member of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT), and the International Society for the Study of Women's Sexual Health (ISSWSH). Dr. Heinz has 15 years of private practice, has been invited to numerous radio and TV programs, international congresses, and writes for various articles and columns. Visit her website aleidaheinz.com.

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