“You teach people how you want to be treated.”
One of the best public speakers I have ever seen, Lisa Nichols, said this to me a few years ago in her hotel room in front of a small group of people.
I can still hear her voice saying, “You are the demonstration for how people should treat you.”
This means that we act and reflect how other people talk to us, react to us and generally behave around us. If you wonder why people treat you a certain way, it’s because you have shown them that it’s okay to treat you that way.
You’ve taught them over the span of your relationship together, that talking to you or interacting with you in that negative, disrespectful way is fine with you.
It’s pretty simple. If you don’t like the way someone is treating you, tell them that you accepted it once before but that you won’t anymore. Then they will test you and they might test you again and again.
Now, you’ll probably ask yourself, “What are they doing? Why don’t they just get it?” And you may even get into a fight about it with them.
But don’t blame them, they are checking to see if you really mean it. It’s not their fault. It’s just the way the mind works. It takes time to change.
You will have to hold yourself to this new standard of respect and new level of good treatment.
Another one of my mentors Robert Chun used to say, “What are you a request for?” When I asked what he meant, he said, “Everything on this planet is a request for something. A door is a request to be opened. A chair is a request to be sat upon. A pen is a request to be written with. Just the same, a person is a request for something.”
Are you a request for love or a great relationship? Are you displaying the emotions and behaviours of someone who wants to be loved?”
I speak to people every week in frustrating relationship situations. 90% of the time, the problem is a lack of communication. My answer to these stressful, troublesome situations is usually, “Have you told them that?” They say no. Then I say, “You should tell them that.”
You can be a request to be treated poorly, fairly, greatly or equally. A millionaire is a request for wealth and maybe even opulence. So what are you a request for? Have you communicated it? Think about it.
Then speak it, make your request known and stand for nothing else.