As it turns out the stars have aligned and my best friend and I are both single at the same time. It’s not like we were hoping for it, but be assured we’re prepared to make the best of it.
The fun part is that we get to compare notes, discuss our new adventures and enjoy the journey.
Let me point out though, men are different from women in this regard. We don’t typically delve into a lot of details about our dates. We keep our discussion fine tuned and usually only discuss things in point form.
Our conversations sound something like this:
“How’d the date go?”
“Fun. She’s great. Very hot and she gave me a big thank you at the end of the night.”
“Cool. I like that. Going to see her again?”
“Yeah, definitely. I actually got a nice text from her this morning saying she was thinking of me and had to smile. ”
And so on.
Our conversations usually cover three basic criteria:
- Is she attractive or not?
- Was she gracious or not?
- How did she engage after the date?
It’s not news that men generally notice and prioritize looks first, so after that point is covered, it’s on to “graciousness” and “engagement”.
Graciousness a the combination of warmth, tact, charm, with the important element of gratitude included. We look for this next. It’s almost part of an unwritten dating contract. We provide a great dating experience by planning, executing and likely paying for the evening out in exchange for her feminine presence that includes all of the elements of graciousness.
Graciousness is what draws us in. It takes us to the next dimension of knowing her aside from her outer beauty.
The grateful aspect of graciousness is the thanks, acknowledgement and appreciation for our efforts. Without this, we begin to feel used and we become less motivated.
If graciousness draws us in, engagement keeps us focused.
Whether you believe the man should lead in the process of dating or that it’s a shared responsibility, engagement keeps a man interested.
When my friend and I compare notes we always discuss engagement. We point out that we received a nice text or an email that was engaging and kept us interested. We find this more endearing and attractive than the hot black dress that first caught our attention and imagination.
Do not underestimate the motivating power of engagement.
The presence of graciousness and engagement can be important to women as well. But from a man’s perspective, or at least my friend’s and mine, it’s everything.