With high divorce rates along with so many people we know openly admitting that the relationships they are in are either in dysfunctional, abusive, unsupportive, manipulative, draining, or too demanding, we are in a relationship crisis unlike any other time in recorded history. In fact, many young people, after looking at the failed marriages all around them, are opting to either put off marriage until they are in their late 30’s or not to marry at all.
Dr. Ruthie Grant recently asked six critical thinking classes of approximately 300 students if they were in a functional, satisfying relationship with the opposite sex. Not a single person raised a hand. The prior semester, out of six similar classes, when she asked that same question, one lady out of all six classes raised her hand and this was her second marriage.
Grant goes on to say, “it appears we are at a crossroad in human relationships. Men complain that too many women have become masculine, too independent and too distrustful of men, while women complain that too many men have become afraid of women; refuse or fail to give women the support they need; or have taken on feminine traits such as expecting the woman to take care of them financially; to pay when they go out on dates; to pursue the male; or to initiate within the relationship.”
Answers may lie in looking at the out of control masculine principle in society today. Both sexes are often fighting for the masculine role!
And, add this in: For the first time in human existence, women have now achieved equal power, respect and rights. They have the opportunity to hunt and gather, be the breadwinner and homemaker, provide and nurture. They are completely independent. And although they don’t need to have a relationship with a man for the reasons they used to, most women still want to have a relationship with a man.
Most men want to feel like a man by having the opportunity to provide for his woman, protect her, care for her, cherish her and love her. In a modern woman’s life, it is hard for a man to feel that sense of being needed.
Grant shares, “Nature always seeks to balance itself out. With that in mind, a man whose masculine energy is too feminine, cannot hold on to a female whose feminine side is in balance; she will be naturally drawn to her polar opposite, a more masculine male. By the same token, a male whose masculine energy is balanced, will be naturally be repelled by a female whose masculine energy is dominating her femininity. ”
So how do we find BALANCE?
Welcome in “THE AGE OF PARTNERSHIP”
For a healthy relationship to flourish, both masculine and feminine energies need to be present to balance things out.
Sure, there are relationships that can survive with only one energy present, however, they are often intense and short. It is often too mentally and emotionally exhausting.
It doesn’t matter which gender plays which role, because people and relationships are diverse, as long as both roles are present in a relationship at the same time.
Solution: Fluidly go between masculine and feminine
a) These roles are not restricted to the gender itself, as not all men fulfill masculine roles and not all women fulfill feminine roles. Besides that, these roles are also not restricted by time or responsibilities. Just because you’re deemed as the ‘masculine’ one, it doesn’t mean you have to be masculine or that you have to do masculine tasks all the time.
b) Gender roles are meant to be fluid in a relationship. They should be able to evolve throughout the relationship and they may switch between both parties at any given time.
c) The key here is tolerance and a mutual desire to sustain and work for the relationship.
Recognize that the ROOT of suffering occurs when one person in the relationship is not getting his/her needs met.
A willingness to come out of denial and work together within an authentic, honest and accepting relationship is required to make relationships work, combined with an unwillingness to settle for anything less.
I’ve realized there is a lot more I can share on this topic so keep your eyes open for future posts!