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A Better YOU 0

Are You Unapproachable?

By Nicole McCance @nicole_mccance · On October 5, 2013

Many women wonder why they are single and why they don’t get approached.

An important thing for women to consider is how they present themselves to the world.

Often we think that we are acting one way but are actually presenting ourselves in a completely different way. Are you single? What vibes do you think you give off when you are at a café or sitting in a waiting room?

We give off signs that we’re busy or unapproachable when we are glued to our phones or laptops. When we stop for a moment and don’t distract ourselves we appear open and give space for someone great to come and say hello!

Think, for a moment, about how you carry yourself, even how you walk from your car (subway) to where you are going. When a woman is walking like she’s on a mission, as us busy women often are, she walks fast, straight and with focus. This makes it more difficult for a prospective man to approach her. It takes a lot for a guy to get the attention of driven woman. It is no wonder that strong single women are rarely approached.

Would you want to approach a person going from point A to point B and only has eyes for their goal in mind?
Such individuals seem strong and confident but may be assumed to reject an approach from a stranger.

How can we show our softer side?

Even though it feels odd to not do anything when we’re on a lunch break in public, take time to breathe. Observe your surroundings…make eye contact! Because we are uncomfortable being alone in public we rely on our defense mechanisms and what is familiar to us, such as a surfing on our laptop, replying to emails or texting on our phone. It can feel odd to not do anything when in public, we take comfort in what is familiar to us.

Tips to Seem Approachable in Public:

– Make eye contact with those around you
– Be in the moment and observe your surroundings
– Breathe
– Smile
– Put down your phone!
– Don’t pull out your laptop right away

Driven energy is seen as a masculine trait that men may tend to avoid when they notice it in women. Many women don’t notice these little things until someone says it to them. So, I encourage you to take notice of how you present yourself. What signs do you give that suggest you are unapproachable? When you notice these signs, take a moment to reflect on how you can change your routine. Giving yourself time to breathe and taking a moment from your busy schedule may be just what your mind needs and could have an added bonus of pleasing your heart, when that person approaches you.

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Nicole McCance

Nominated, RBC Women Entrepreneur of the Year, Nicole McCance M.A. is a fully licensed Psychological Associate. Her services are covered under extended health care and she is licensed to diagnose mental disorders. Nicole is also an author of the best-selling book 52 Ways to Beat Depression Naturally. She has over 9 years of formal university education and has completed a certificate program in trauma and recovery from Harvard Medical School. She has a M.A in Counselling Psychology from the University of Toronto, a B.A. in Criminology and a B.A with Honours in Psychology from Carleton University. Nicole owns Nicole McCance Psychology, which has over 10 counselling locations providing both individual and couples counselling across the GTA. Over 120 individuals and couples receive counselling every month through Nicole McCance Psychology. She has been providing counselling and assessment services for the past 10 years across North America and in Russia. She has been a frequent contributor to media outlets such as CP24, CTV News, CTV National, Global TV,City TV, CBC News, Rogers, CBC Radio, ABC Spark, E!, the Toronto Star and Canadian Living. You can visit her website at nicolemccance.com.

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