In a recent conversation with a friend who is looking for love, I asked her
“When was the last time you had a great date with someone who interested you?”
She said “2 weeks ago.”
“What happened?” I asked.
“He never called me after.”
“Why not?” I asked
“I don’t know. We seemed to have a good time but after that, nothing.”
“Well did you let him know you were interested?” “Did you show any enthusiasm?” I asked
And so her eyes widened and filled with a cocktail of confusion, curiosity and insight.
Are you feeding interest with enthusiasm?
On the first few dates, it’s easy to overlook certain aspects of communication and assume that the person in your company can read your mind or your facial expressions (although the introduction of Botox for both men and women is making it harder to read any kind of thoughts.)
If indeed you are interested in seeing your new date again, it’s important to fuel interest with enthusiasm. In fact, enthusiasm was listed as one of the most important traits in a relationship – as well as in sexual encounters. Conversely, one of the most common reasons people are reluctant to see each other again is the lack of spark, energy and enthusiasm. It makes one feel they have to do all the work to make things work – and that’s no fun! It makes sense really.
Who doesn’t want the instant gratification of another person’s positive energy and attention?
Enthusiasm communicates you are interested. It says you are willing to do your part in creating fun and momentum, and it sparks the other person’s interest in discovering “what’s next”.
Here are a few ways to show enthusiasm without losing your edge.
Enthusiasm: to be lively, to show interest, excitement, eagerness and generate passion.
A.K.A. It’s the spark one needs to fuel a spicy romance.
1. During the date, show enthusiasm for activities your date mentions that sound appealing to you. (Don’t fall into the trap of Best Behaviour Dating – stay true to yourself)
Say “that would be fun to do together” or “I’d love to learn to do / try that”. If you are a woman speaking to a man you can add an ego boost and say “Maybe you can show me how to do that”
Ahem…get your minds out of the gutter and onto the golf course perhaps…
2. If your date chooses something from the menu that you liked, or the place you are at, or points out something, or makes any contribution that adds value to your life, show enthusiasm and let them know specifically how it benefits you or what you appreciate. People ultimately want to be with people who they can successfully make happy. When you show a person how being themselves makes you happy, it puts them at ease and opens the door for more self expression and sharing.
3. When you see something you like or something that creates a sense of happiness or wonder within you – the sunset perhaps, an artistic perspective of the door frame or whatever can bring value to the other person by simply being in your company, express it. People love to see that you can find interest in life itself and are inspired to experience the beauty and wonder through your eyes.
4. When the date is coming to an end, express gratitude and enthusiasm if indeed you had a good time. Say something like “it would be fun to do this again”. It gives room for the other person to express their enthusiasm and feed the spark with plans.
5. When you get home (as soon as you get in). Text message your date and say “Thanks for a great time! ☺”. If the other person paid or drove or planned or did anything to take care of you say: “Thanks for taking great care of me (or things) tonight, I had a great time! ☺”
After every great performance, every person inevitably gets off stage and turns to the person next to them and says “how was that?” We love, need and thrive off of the enthusiasm of a receptive audience. It makes us want to give an encore.
Enthusiasm is a sign of generosity, courage, self confidence and joy. No game has ever been played and won without enthusiasm. Enjoy expressing more enthusiasm without losing your edge and fuel the flames of your healthy romance.