Healing Through BDSM “Sex Play”

BDSM is a blanket term that covers a wide variety of “sex play” including bondage and discipline, domination and submission, and sadism and masochism; however it also encompasses fetishes and kink play. Sex play is a natural drive shared by many individuals that is not only innate, but important to express.

Although sex play is not for everyone, if more individuals allowed themselves to connect to their desires and passions, they would be surprised at the erotic fantasies that lie within them.

Most importantly, those who are able to take it a step further and experiment are often surprised at how fun sex play is, how instinctively right it feels, and its healing power.

Sex play used to be taboo. Now it’s not! Individuals, especial women, are hungry for a unique voice to express their sexuality. Many of us were taught that sex has to be or to look a certain way for it to be “natural.” This is the farthest thing from the truth. Each of us is “one of a kind” and our sexuality is a special expression of our unique essence. Today many people are finally being given –and are giving themselves–the much needed permission to find and express this splendid source of healthy energy within themselves.

When an individual suppress their BDSM, fetish, or kink desires it can be harmful, and can cause emotional problems and undermine relationships. The fact is that sex play enriches lives!

In my 15 years’ experience as a sex-positive therapist and intimacy advisor I have witnessed firsthand how this intimate magic can heal on many levels. Individuals who have been able to use sex play to work through long-standing issues can achieve dramatic results with concerns such as depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and even sexual trauma.

Sex play can also save marriages! It not only does the obvious by enhancing intimacy, but can also work miracles in addressing the power struggles that often go on within relationships. This sort of bedroom enchantment can allow couples to work through issues that they have been suffering with for years! It is not only effective therapy; it’s hot and amazingly sensuous fun!

Some people are afraid to experiment with sex play. They may have a fear of getting hurt or of harming another. They may be concerned about getting involved with a heavy player or entering into a heavy scene unwittingly. They may also feel that they are not a true dominant or submissive, and feel some uncertainty about how to play.

Let’s explore these concerns:

This sort of bedroom enchantment can allow couples to work through issues that they have been suffering with for years!

*Although the media focus almost exclusively on traditional dominant and submissive roles, there are a large number of players who are “switches,” individuals who enjoy playing both roles. Every player’s taste and level of sex play is unique to their desires. There is a huge spectrum of play and it is important that you always seek fellow players who are at a compatible level of sex play. Whether you want to explore the softer, medium, or harder side of your fantasies, or are more of a sensual player, you can find many others out there just like you.

*Never play with a partner who does not respect and play by the rules. Before anyone engages in sex play, the scene needs to be fully discussed so that everyone knows what will and will not happen. It is also critically important to establish “safe words,” words that all players agree upon that will slow the action down, or completely put an end to the scene. These boundaries should NEVER be disrespected no matter how passionately exciting the scene is for any or all players.

*Despite what most people believe, the submissive is actually the player who is in complete control of the scene! The submissive holds the power because he or she may use the safe word at any time to stop the sex play. As a submissive it is very important to know your limits and exactly what you are, and are not, comfortable with. No one should ever exceed their personal boundaries, until they are ready.

*There are individuals who want to hurt others, and individuals who want to be hurt by others.

However, this is a fact of life and is not necessarily tied to the BDSM, fetish, and kink sex play world. You should trust your intuition and stay away from these types of people (unless this is your thing and is between consenting adults). Educate yourself and your partners before entering into the erotic adventure of sex play.

BDSM, fetish, and kink sex play is erotic foreplay and if kept safe can be healing, fun, exciting, and bewitching bedroom theater. There is a deep sexual satisfaction in surrendering yourself to your partner, in placing your partner in that extraordinary sub space, or in finding creative ways to switch between these roles. Through sex play you can create a secure place for you to be a sexual star and to shine your very brightest!

Want to learn more about BDSM? Read Here