Looking for the right human to create a partnership with can be an overwhelming task. That is why many of us do our best to increase our odds. We make an amazing online dating profile that highlights all of our best qualities and includes the most flattering picture of ourselves. We make sure we have on a slimming outfit, that our hair is perfect and that our face is beat (that’s a good thing in case you were wondering). We dazzle our date with scintillating conversation and witty banter. And we pick a cool place to do all of this in so we can impress the one we have our eye on. But none of that matters if you are not being real. At the core, your energy must match the package and experience that you have created. If your presentation on a date does not match your energy you are in for a lot of disappointment. You can’t hide vibes.
There is nothing wrong with putting your best foot forward and showing up as the best version of yourself. We all do it. The problem arises when you show up as the best version of someone else. There has to be a connection to how you are presenting yourself. Here are three tips for how to have an authentic vibe:
Abandon your pursuit to be perfect.
When you are focused on everything being perfect you are controlling your every move. That need to control how your date perceives you is in direct opposition with the point of the date. They are supposed to be getting to know YOU. Not some perfect version of you. Be you. Your authentic self is your most attractive self. Those are your sexiest vibes.
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Trust your gut.
As a therapist, I often hear stories about relationships gone wrong. One common theme that comes up is that people do not listen to their intuition. When you ignore red flags for the sake of “making it work” you are not being true to yourself. Now, I am not talking about superficial issues such as height or style. This is more about recognizing that you are incompatible for some reason. For example, he has 2 kids under the age of 5 and you have no intention of becoming a stepmother but he is SOOOOO HOT! Your “I love kids” vibe is bound to be pretty fake or possibly lead to you really hurting someone. Your gut reaction to a person or their circumstances should never be ignored. Pay attention and live in your truth.
After you have been dating for a while you might find yourself on dating autopilot. You wear the same first date outfit, tell the same first date stories, and feel the same first date disappointment. And then you wonder why you are not connecting with anyone. Learn to be present on your date. This does not just mean showing up. It means taking in your environment, your thoughts, your feelings and the person sitting across from you. Pay attention to what your date is saying and not saying; doing and not doing. Learn to listen and observe. Don’t be a robot. Robot vibes are not attractive. Be in the moment. This is how you connect.
Pay attention to what your date is saying and not saying; doing and not doing. Learn to listen and observe. Don’t be a robot. Robot vibes are not attractive. Be in the moment. This is how you connect.
That intangible energy you give off is one of those unexplainable qualities that draws people in or pushes people away. When you are in tune with who you are and learn to honor yourself, your vibes will ring true. And those are vibes you are not going to want to hide.