A Better YOU 1

Dating The Commitment Phobic Man

By @nicole_mccance · On April 4, 2013

At the beginning of a relationship with a commitment-phobic man, the connection is really intense and future-focused. He makes promises, tells you he’s been waiting his whole life to meet you, showers you with affection, and makes you feel like you are the perfect couple. This behaviour should be a red flag for you!

It’s easy to say these things… but think… you don’t know each other yet. A lot of these statements are wrapped up in the fantasy of love, the idea of you and him forever. This is the stage when you should be getting to know each other, flaws and all.

You are thinking how great things are going, how intimate your connection is, and how wonderful the future will be. But, he starts to pull away. He’s busy with work. Then, the break-up comes, and it’s completely cold and unlike the man you knew. No explanation is offered.

It’s important for women to know that this is coming from a place of panic and fear of commitment. It’s not about you. He’s afraid, and fear is a primitive emotion. What happens when you’re afraid? You run like hell! It’s about survival. Other emotions, like empathy and love, shut down, making it easier for him to get rid of the thing he fears most: a serious future with you.

Know that this break-up is not about you. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s related to his fear of commitment. It usually happens just when you are most open to love and starting to feel an deeper connection, which is so amazing for you, and so terrifying for him.

commitmentphobe.s600x600If your relationship is really great, and he suddenly takes off, it can be difficult to move forward. To get over the heartbreak, spend time with friends and family. Fill your time with things that you love to do. Take care of yourself. Most of all, remember the signs of the commitment-phobic man for your next relationship.

Nominated, RBC Women Entrepreneur of the Year, Nicole McCance M.A. is a fully licensed Psychological Associate. Her services are covered under extended health care and she is licensed to diagnose mental disorders. Nicole is also an author of the best-selling book 52 Ways to Beat Depression Naturally. She has over 9 years of formal university education and has completed a certificate program in trauma and recovery from Harvard Medical School. She has a M.A in Counselling Psychology from the University of Toronto, a B.A. in Criminology and a B.A with Honours in Psychology from Carleton University. Nicole owns Nicole McCance Psychology, which has over 10 counselling locations providing both individual and couples counselling across the GTA. Over 120 individuals and couples receive counselling every month through Nicole McCance Psychology. She has been providing counselling and assessment services for the past 10 years across North America and in Russia. She has been a frequent contributor to media outlets such as CP24, CTV News, CTV National, Global TV,City TV, CBC News, Rogers, CBC Radio, ABC Spark, E!, the Toronto Star and Canadian Living. You can visit her website at nicolemccance.com.

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1 Comment

  • Sharon Tilley says: June 12, 2020 at 9:11 am

    “It’s not about you. He’s afraid, and fear is a primitive emotion. What happens when you’re afraid? You run like hell!”

    This should be taught at school or something. It took me so long to get over my last boyfriend. It’d have saved me a lot of tears of sadness if someone told me “it’s not about you, it’s about his fear”. Thanks, Nicole.

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